Merydith Writes… reviews, about her marriage, parenting, motherhood, career, and more.

I remember my first snow here in the US. I thought it was the most beautiful experience I ever had. Ryan and I were supposed to go somewhere, and when I went out, I was greeted with snow as you can see in the photo on the left. I asked Ryan to take a photo, so I could scan it and send it to my family. While driving, I couldn’t help but wish that my family was here to witness what I witnessed.

When I came here in 2004, it was so hot in the Philippines. I got here with a foot snow on the ground. I got a light jacket that Papa lend me on my way here which I thought was enough. When Ryan picked me up from the airport, he gave me a coat. I insisted that I should be ok since I was already wearing a jacket. Dad told me that it is extremely cold outside, so I took the coat and put it on. They were right. It was freezing outside. It took me so many months to get used to the weather. My skin was very itchy and dry too.

While teaching back home, I dream of playing with the snow. I only saw snow in magazines and in movies that I used to watch. Now that I have been living here for nine years, I felt like I have enough of it. I dislike snow especially when I have to go to work because it is so hard and dangerous to drive. It is a pain to clean up the car too with it. I have to say that snow is only good for first timers or if you don’t have to go anywhere but stay inside the house, but for someone like me who have experienced it all, I am all good.

The hospital introduced the pacifier to Branden. It calms him down especially when he is ready for bed. Although I find it amusing because at 2 weeks he knows if he was given a different pacifier or not. We were given exactly two of the same pacifier from the hospital. The very first day we got home, we already lost one of the pacifiers, and the next day, we couldn’t find the other one. Branden got lots of pacifiers as gifts, so I thought of giving him a new one. At first he started sucking it like his old one and all of the sudden he stopped. He looked around and spit it out. Mind you, he is only 2 weeks old.

Mama tried to give it to him again. Maybe he will take it this time, but he spit it again and started crying. I grabbed him and console him in my arms. He wouldn’t take the new pacifier at all. “What a smart baby” that is what mama thought. Mama, Frankie, and Ryan looked for the pacifier in his crib, the swing, the car seat and even underneath mama’s bed and our bed. Thankfully, mama found it while she was washing Branden’s clothes. Apparently, the pacifier was caught in Branden’s clothes when she was trying to change him. We were all so happy. Branden happily sucked into his old pacifier again. We have attempted to replace it because we were supposed to as he gets older, but to no success. He exactly knows if it is his old one or new. Frankie didn’t care so much before as long as he has a pacifier.

I can’t believe how amazing it is to have a baby in the house. It is very tiring I might add, but he is definitely worth it. Our daily routine has surely changed. Mama and I have shifts with Branden. Since I have to wake up early to take Frankie to school, I get to stay with Branden from 9:00 p.m. to 11:00 p.m. while mama watches him overnight. It such a challenge, but I am so glad I got a lot of help from my awesome mama. Mama has been asking me that she can take care of the baby overnight, so I could get a good night sleep for Frankie. I kept refusing her offer because I don’t want to take advantage of her, and I still want to be able to take care of my son.

As days goes by, it was getting harder and harder for me to get up to take Frankie to school. There were times when I just want to fall asleep behind the wheel. After I drop off Frankie, I tried to get some sleep but to me it is not long enough. There are times when I am tired and can’t sleep I just want to stare at my son Branden. He gives me so much joy. When he smiles, it feels like heaven. I just love looking at his beautiful eyes and his long curl eyelashes. What a wonderful blessing it is to have my children in my life. They give the reason to live.

I was really worried that like Frankie, we might not be able to take Branden home with us. It was truly a nightmare having to go back and forth to the hospital to see Frankie. Thankfully, Branden was able to stabilize his breathing that he was able to come see us in the room. We were also able to hold him and take care of him. On my third day, I was so excited to go home. Unfortunately after breakfast, I started  feeling dizzy that I asked the nurse to get my blood pressure. My blood pressure was so high. When they took my sugar after eating breakfast, it was so high too. My doctor decided that I need to stay one more day in the hospital for under observation.

Even if I was so upset that I didn’t get to go home than expected, I was glad that I didn’t go home. The doctor gave me medications for my blood pressure and sugar. It was going down, but as soon as the medication wore off, it was up again. Mama and Frankie stayed at home. They only visited me once because Frankie was all over the place. He was in the hospital for 8 hours and Ryan had about enough of him. I do not blame him though because he was confined to a very little room. He laid down right next to me to take a nap and I hugged him until he fell asleep. I so miss my little boy. It was weird not seeing him for two days. They came in on Sunday after they all went to church.

The next day, I was so delighted that I can go home with instructions that I need to maintain my medications. I was also glad that Branden was all ready to come home with us. The very first night with Branden at home was bad. Mama and I were still adjusting of him being home. We took turns but it was mostly mama who was up with him. Eventually, she told me that I need my rest and that she can take care of Branden. I was also happy because I felt like my body really need rest.

I was looking forward to January 10th which is a Tuesday. Ryan and I already made plans on when to get my blood test. When the nurse called me up, I was hoping that they can just get my blood test before the operation, but she called again to tell me that I need to make an extra trip to go get it ahead of time. Ryan is going to be off starting Monday, so we were thinking of going there in that afternoon. By January 6 early in the morning, my back was starting to hurt. I took Frankie to school and decided to take a nap. I couldn’t even lay in any sides because it was very uncomfortable. It seems to go away when I get up and walk around, but I was so tired that I really want to lay down.

I asked mama to massage me a little bit because it was really painful. I picked up Frankie and decided to take a nap again. I figure that if the pain won’t go away; I will have to call the doctor. I fell asleep and woke up in a lot of pain in my back. Ryan was on his way home, so I decided to call the doctor. He told the nurse that I am already contracting and that I need to get to a hospital right away. I panicked because I didn’t know where Ryan was. He said he was going to his second job and his cell phone was off. I called the place where he is going to be for his second job, but he did not go there. Thankfully, after 20 minutes, he came home. I told him that I need to get going and get to the hospital. He kept telling me to hurry up, but it was me who was taking my time. I ate my last meal and even took a shower.

We got to the hospital at around 6:30 pm and by 9:17 pm our precious Branden was out. The nurse that prepped me for the operation was a Filipina. She very nice and very thorough. Although she made sure that I am not going to be in terrible pain, I still was. The preparation was painful. I needed to take the “yucky stuff” while one nurse was taking my blood on my left and another one on my right arm. Putting in the medication in my spine was a nightmare too. It was very painful that I promise myself I do not want to do it again.

I was shaking and itching as the effect of the medication. It was so bad that I couldn’t control it. After some pulling and tugging, the baby finally came out at 9:17 that same night. I couldn’t believe how beautiful he was. I thought he was smaller than Frankie but I was wrong. He actually weigh 9.10 lbs. I wanted to feel better, so I could hold him right away. When I was wheeled in my room, I was not able to see him right away. He had breathing issues, so the nurses and his doctor had to put him under observation. Here is our little pumpkin below.

I felt like I am about to  burst right now. I am so big that getting out of bed is a nightmare. I can’t put my socks anymore, and I have to go get Ryan or mama. I don’t like taking showers anymore because I couldn’t reach places that I want to reach. It is also hard to bend over to wipe off the water on my legs and back after I take a shower. I am counting the days that I can finally see my little pumpkin. I just want to get done with being pregnant. I am so done.

At least the schedule for my c-section is only 7 days away. In January 10, I will see our new baby. I wonder how he looks like. Is he going to have a blond hair like Frankie or is he going to be as light skinned as Frankie. Regardless how he looks, he will be loved forever. I feel so huge this time around than when I was pregnant with Frankie. In fact, I grabbed photos of when I was pregnant with Frankie and now.

Pregnant with Frankie

 Second pregnancy

Every pregnancy I have is always rough, but it is so worth it. It will be another adjustment again, but we will get the hang of it.

I usually do not make New Year’s resolution. I am afraid that I might not be able to keep up with it. I do not like pressuring myself. However this year, I want to have a New Year’s resolution for a change. It has nothing to do with losing weight or eating healthy because I know it would be hard. This is about spending time with my boys especially with Frankie and the little baby coming.

You see, I felt like I miss a part of Frankie’s life growing up, and it is something that I can never take back. When he was only a few weeks old, I started doing paid blogging. I completely quit working and I was saddened that I couldn’t help my sister finish college anymore if I will not do anything about it. This is when I learned about paid blogging. I have been blogging for over a year then, and I thought of myself why not.

While I was pregnant, my other sister who went to Taiwan helped our youngest sister that time while Ryan and I sent some money to support the family in Cebu. We were not so happy about my sister Resty’s situation in Taiwan that she had to go home. Thankfully, it is when I started doing paid blogging and our youngest sister was able to continue her schooling. It was a rough situation for me though. I remember feeding my son on my right hand while trying to type in my left hand.

Even if my sister graduated college because of my help, I still felt like I was not able to watch Frankie as much as I have wanted to because I was so busy writing. That is why, I want to focus my attention to Branden and try not to miss anything this time. Although Frankie doesn’t even know the difference, I felt like I owe him that time. Don’t get me wrong, I did not neglect Frankie, but there is this guilt inside of me that won’t go away. I have made up the time with him now, but the guilt is till there. So, spending time and quality time at that is part of my New Year’s resolution today and everyday.

Another thing that I need to work on to is try to speak up. It is not that I am shy, but there are times when I easily get intimidated. There were times that even if I know that the person is wrong, I tend it just let it go without correcting that person. I am afraid to hurt his/her feelings even if they will look stupid in the end. This is one of the things that I need to work on as well as my confidence. It seems like I have a lot of things to work on this year. It is ok. I am not in a rush.